Tropical Leaves

Glory Holes

In recent times, I have been asked a great deal about these phenomena known as "glory holes".

Mainly, I am asked if these are an efficient means for the attainment of Glory™, and if so, do I have a map denoting the locations of various local "glory holes", and if I do, may we please photocopy it?


I tell you now most firmly: These "glory holes", as they are called, are by no means glorious, and are not at all conducive to the attainment of Glory™, much less Final Glory™.


However, the quest for Glory™ is a noble and admirable one, and I intend to assist all such seekers in their search. In my experience, the most efficient means of attaining Final Glory™ is by inserting one's utensil, not into one of these wretched back-alley "glory holes", but instead inserting it into Jebetharnam's Apotheotic Cube, or one of several other spectral artifacts which can easily be stolen from the Sanctum Simulacrum. If you do as I say, I think you'll find the flux of Glory™ into your proboscis to be quite intolerable.


Additionally, the diligent seeker might try licking Waincroft's Total-Riddle Mandala, but this has a very good chance of 'frying one's circuit board', as it were, and I cannot really recommend this in good faith. Furthermore, the Mandala hasn't been seen in over three thousand years, and I'm not telling you where it is.


Finally, the seeker might attempt to look into my eyes for the merest fraction of an instant. Nearly all, however, will find this to be quite impossible.